Foreclosure Stress !

This generation is living though a very unique economic period in history.  One of the greatest and most common stressors overwhelming people today is the stress from foreclosure.  The loss of a home and personal possessions, combined with the uncertainty of the future is terrifying for many families.  The first step to overcoming the fear that is immobilizing  you is information.  In spite of the doom and gloom on the daily news or what your mortgage company may tell you, there are options that can help!

While I cannot personally endorse any website, resource or service, some may find helpful information or more at these websites:

http://livinglies.wordpress.com/in-trouble-right-now-press-here/lawyers-who-get-it-work-in-progress/

http://www.fightingmyforeclosure.com/fighting-foreclosure-blog.html

Advertisements
Posted in Arrowhead Counseling

Do you know your Parenting Style? You should ! You could be reinforcing behaviors in your children that you’ve been trying to eliminate…

Parenting Style and Its CorrelatesDevelopmental psychologists have been interested in how parents influence the development of children’s social and instrumental competence since at least the 1920s. One of the most robust approaches to this area is the study of what has been called “parenting style.” This Digest defines parenting style, explores four types, and discusses the consequences of the different styles for children.Parenting Style Defined

Parenting is a complex activity that includes many specific behaviors that work individually and together to influence child outcomes. Although specific parenting behaviors, such as spanking or reading aloud, may influence child development, looking at any specific behavior in isolation may be misleading. Many writers have noted that specific parenting practices are less important in predicting child well-being than is the broad pattern of parenting. Most researchers who attempt to describe this broad parental milieu rely on Diana Baumrind’s concept of parenting style. The construct of parenting style is used to capture normal variations in parents’ attempts to control and socialize their children (Baumrind, 1991). Two points are critical in understanding this definition. First, parenting style is meant to describe normal variations in parenting. In other words, the parenting style typology Baumrind developed should not be understood to include deviant parenting, such as might be observed in abusive or neglectful homes. Second, Baumrind assumes that normal parenting revolves around issues of control. Although parents may differ in how they try to control or socialize their children and the extent to which they do so, it is assumed that the primary role of all parents is to influence, teach, and control their children.

Parenting style captures two important elements of parenting: parental responsiveness and parental demandingness (Maccoby & Martin, 1983). Parental responsiveness (also referred to as parental warmth or supportiveness) refers to “the extent to which parents intentionally foster individuality, self-regulation, and self-assertion by being attuned, supportive, and acquiescent to children’s special needs and demands” (Baumrind, 1991, p. 62). Parental demandingness (also referred to as behavioral control) refers to “the claims parents make on children to become integrated into the family whole, by their maturity demands, supervision, disciplinary efforts and willingness to confront the child who disobeys” (Baumrind, 1991, pp. 61-62).

Four Parenting Styles

Categorizing parents according to whether they are high or low on parental demandingness and responsiveness creates a typology of four parenting styles: indulgent, authoritarian, authoritative, and uninvolved (Maccoby & Martin, 1983). Each of these parenting styles reflects different naturally occurring patterns of parental values, practices, and behaviors (Baumrind, 1991) and a distinct balance of responsiveness and demandingness.

  • Indulgent parents (also referred to as “permissive” or “nondirective”) “are more responsive than they are demanding. They are nontraditional and lenient, do not require mature behavior, allow considerable self-regulation, and avoid confrontation” (Baumrind, 1991, p. 62). Indulgent parents may be further divided into two types: democratic parents, who, though lenient, are more conscientious, engaged, and committed to the child, and nondirective parents.
  • Authoritarian parents are highly demanding and directive, but not responsive. “They are obedience- and status-oriented, and expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation” (Baumrind, 1991, p. 62). These parents provide well-ordered and structured environments with clearly stated rules. Authoritarian parents can be divided into two types: nonauthoritarian-directive, who are directive, but not intrusive or autocratic in their use of power, and authoritarian-directive, who are highly intrusive.
  • Authoritative parents are both demanding and responsive. “They monitor and impart clear standards for their children’s conduct. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and self-regulated as well as cooperative” (Baumrind, 1991, p. 62).
  • Uninvolved parents are low in both responsiveness and demandingness. In extreme cases, this parenting style might encompass both rejecting–neglecting and neglectful parents, although most parents of this type fall within the normal range.

Because parenting style is a typology, rather than a linear combination of responsiveness and demandingness, each parenting style is more than and different from the sum of its parts (Baumrind, 1991). In addition to differing on responsiveness and demandingness, the parenting styles also differ in the extent to which they are characterized by a third dimension: psychological control. Psychological control “refers to control attempts that intrude into the psychological and emotional development of the child” (Barber, 1996, p. 3296) through use of parenting practices such as guilt induction, withdrawal of love, or shaming. One key difference between authoritarian and authoritative parenting is in the dimension of psychological control. Both authoritarian and authoritative parents place high demands on their children and expect their children to behave appropriately and obey parental rules. Authoritarian parents, however, also expect their children to accept their judgments, values, and goals without questioning. In contrast, authoritative parents are more open to give and take with their children and make greater use of explanations. Thus, although authoritative and authoritarian parents are equally high in behavioral control, authoritative parents tend to be low in psychological control, while authoritarian parents tend to be high.

Consequences for Children

Parenting style has been found to predict child well-being in the domains of social competence, academic performance, psychosocial development, and problem behavior. Research based on parent interviews, child reports, and parent observations consistently finds:

  • Children and adolescents whose parents are authoritative rate themselves and are rated by objective measures as more socially and instrumentally competent than those whose parents are nonauthoritative (Baumrind, 1991; Weiss & Schwarz, 1996; Miller et al., 1993).
  • Children and adolescents whose parents are uninvolved perform most poorly in all domains.

In general, parental responsiveness predicts social competence and psychosocial functioning, while parental demandingness is associated with instrumental competence and behavioral control (i.e., academic performance and deviance). These findings indicate:

  • Children and adolescents from authoritarian families (high in demandingness, but low in responsiveness) tend to perform moderately well in school and be uninvolved in problem behavior, but they have poorer social skills, lower self-esteem, and higher levels of depression.
  • Children and adolescents from indulgent homes (high in responsiveness, low in demandingness) are more likely to be involved in problem behavior and perform less well in school, but they have higher self-esteem, better social skills, and lower levels of depression.

In reviewing the literature on parenting style, one is struck by the consistency with which authoritative upbringing is associated with both instrumental and social competence and lower levels of problem behavior in both boys and girls at all developmental stages. The benefits of authoritative parenting and the detrimental effects of uninvolved parenting are evident as early as the preschool years and continue throughout adolescence and into early adulthood. Although specific differences can be found in the competence evidenced by each group, the largest differences are found between children whose parents are unengaged and their peers with more involved parents. Differences between children from authoritative homes and their peers are equally consistent, but somewhat smaller (Weiss & Schwarz, 1996). Just as authoritative parents appear to be able to balance their conformity demands with their respect for their children’s individuality, so children from authoritative homes appear to be able to balance the claims of external conformity and achievement demands with their need for individuation and autonomy.

Influence of Sex, Ethnicity, or Family Type

It is important to distinguish between differences in the distribution and the correlates of parenting style in different subpopulations. Although in the United States authoritative parenting is most common among intact, middle-class families of European descent, the relationship between authoritativeness and child outcomes is quite similar across groups. There are some exceptions to this general statement, however: (1) demandingness appears to be less critical to girls’ than to boys’ well-being (Weiss & Schwarz, 1996), and (2) authoritative parenting predicts good psychosocial outcomes and problem behaviors for adolescents in all ethnic groups studied (African-, Asian-, European-, and Hispanic Americans), but it is associated with academic performance only among European Americans and, to a lesser extent, Hispanic Americans (Steinberg, Dornbusch, & Brown, 1992; Steinberg, Darling, & Fletcher, 1995). Chao (1994) and others (Darling & Steinberg, 1993) have argued that observed ethnic differences in the association of parenting style with child outcomes may be due to differences in social context, parenting practices, or the cultural meaning of specific dimensions of parenting style.

Conclusion

Parenting style provides a robust indicator of parenting functioning that predicts child well-being across a wide spectrum of environments and across diverse communities of children. Both parental responsiveness and parental demandingness are important components of good parenting. Authoritative parenting, which balances clear, high parental demands with emotional responsiveness and recognition of child autonomy, is one of the most consistent family predictors of competence from early childhood through adolescence. However, despite the long and robust tradition of research into parenting style, a number of issues remain outstanding. Foremost among these are issues of definition, developmental change in the manifestation and correlates of parenting styles, and the processes underlying the benefits of authoritative parenting (see Schwarz et al., 1985; Darling & Steinberg, 1993; Baumrind, 1991; and Barber, 1996).

brother and sisterFor More Information

Barber, B. K. (1996). Parental psychological control: Revisiting a neglected construct. Child Development, 67(6), 3296-3319.

Baumrind, D. (1989). Rearing competent children. In W. Damon (Ed.), Child development today and tomorrow (pp. 349-378). San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

Baumrind, D. (1991). The influence of parenting style on adolescent competence and substance use. Journal of Early Adolescence, 11(1), 56-95.

Chao, R. K. (1994). Beyond parental control and authoritarian parenting style: Understanding Chinese parenting through the cultural notion of training. Child Development, 65(4), 1111-1119..

Darling, N., & Steinberg, L. (1993). Parenting style as context: An integrative model. Psychological Bulletin, 113(3), 487-496.

Maccoby, E. E., & Martin, J. A. (1983). Socialization in the context of the family: Parent–child interaction. In P. H. Mussen (Ed.) & E. M. Hetherington (Vol. Ed.), Handbook of child psychology: Vol. 4. Socialization, personality, and social development (4th ed., pp. 1-101). New York: Wiley.

Miller, N. B., Cowan, P. A., Cowan, C. P., & Hetherington, E. M. (1993). Externalizing in preschoolers and early adolescents: A cross-study replication of a family model. Developmental Psychology, 29(1), 3-18.

Schwarz, J. C., Barton-Henry, M. L., & Pruzinsky, T. (1985). Assessing child-rearing behaviors: A comparison of ratings made by mother, father, child, and sibling on the CRPBI. Child Development, 56(2), 462-479.

Steinberg, L., Darling, N., & Fletcher, A. C. (1995). Authoritative parenting and adolescent adjustment: An ecological journey. In P. Moen, G. H. Elder, Jr., & K. Luscher (Eds.), Examining lives in context: Perspectives on the ecology of human development (pp. 423-466). Washington, DC: American Psychological Assn.

Steinberg, L., Dornbusch, S. M., & Brown, B. B. (1992). Ethnic differences in adolescent achievement: An ecological perspective. American Psychologist, 47(6), 723-729.

Weiss, L. H., & Schwarz, J. C. (1996). The relationship between parenting types and older adolescents’ personality, academic achievement, adjustment, and substance use. Child Development, 67(5), 2101-2114.



Posted in Arrowhead Counseling, Mending Lives

Parents Post Divorce Adjustment Determines Adolescent Adjustment

Role of maternal functioning and parenting skills in adolescent functioning following parental divorce.

By Forehand, Rex; Thomas, Amanda McCombs; Wierson, Michelle; Brody, Gene; Fauber, Rob

Journal of Abnormal Psychology. 1990 Aug Vol 99(3) 278-283

Abstract

While divorce has been associated with impaired child functioning, the mechanisms within the divorce process leading to such an outcome have rarely been examined. The following hypothesis was examined: Divorce is associated with poor parental adjustment or disrupts parenting behavior, or both, which leads to poor adolescent functioning. Subjects were 121 and 93 young adolescents from intact and recently divorced families, respectively, and their mothers and teachers. Mothers completed measures assessing parental conflict and depression, observers coded parenting skills during a mother-adolescent interaction, and teachers completed measures assessing adolescent functioning. Although the magnitude of differences was not large, analyses of variance indicated that the divorced sample was functioning poorer than the married sample on all measures except interparental conflict. Path analysis suggested that parental functioning and parenting skills play a role in adolescent functioning following divorce. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2007 APA, all rights reserved)

Posted in Arrowhead Counseling

Being An Effective Parent

Being an Effective Parent – Helping Your Child Through Early Adolescence

What can I do to be a good parent for my early adolescent child?

Parents often become less involved in the lives of their children as they enter the middle grades. But your young adolescent needs as much attention and love from you as he needed when he was younger and maybe more. A good relationship with you or with other adults is the best safeguard your child has as he grows and explores. By the time he reaches adolescence, you and he will have had years of experience with each other; the parent of today’s toddler is parent to tomorrow’s teenager.

Your relationship with your child may change. In fact, it almost certainly must change; however, as she develops the skills required to be a successful adult. These changes can be rewarding and welcome. As your middle school child makes mental and emotional leaps, your conversations will grow richer. As her interests develop and deepen, she may begin to teach you how to slug a baseball, what is happening with the city council or county board or why a new book is worth reading.
America is home to people with a great variety of attitudes, opinions and values. Americans have different ideas and priorities, which can affect how we choose to raise our children. Across these differences, however, research has shown that being effective parents involves the following qualities:
• Showing love. When our children behave badly, we may become angry or upset with them. We may also feel miserable because we become angry or upset. But these feelings are different from not loving our children. Young adolescents need adults who are there for them – people who connect with them, communicate with them, spend time with them and show a genuine interest in them. This is how they learn to care for and love others. According to school counselor Carol Bleifield, “Parents can love their children but not necessarily love what they do, and children need to trust that this is true.”
• Providing support. Young adolescents need support as they struggle with problems that may seem unimportant to their parents and families. They need praise when they’ve done their best. They need encouragement to develop interests and personal characteristics.
• Setting limits. Young adolescents need parents or other adults who consistently provide structure and supervision that is firm and appropriate for age and development. Limits keep all children, including young teens, physically and emotionally safe. Carole Kennedy is a former middle school principal, U.S. Department of Education’s Principal-in-Residence (2000) and president of the National Association of Elementary School Principals. She puts it this way, “They need parents who can say, ‘No, you cannot go to the mall all day or to movies with that group of kids.”
• Psychologist Diana Baumrind identifies three types of parents: authoritarian, permissive and authoritative. By studying about findings from more than 20 years of research, she and her colleagues have found that to be effective parents, it’s best to avoid extremes. Authoritarian parents who lay down hard-and-fast rules and expect their children to always do as they are told or permissive parents who have very few rules or regulations and give their children too much freedom are most likely to have the most difficult time as parents. Their children are at risk for a range of negative behavioral and emotional consequences. However, authoritative parents, who set limits that are clear and come with explanations, tend to struggle less with their adolescents. “Do it because I said so” probably didn’t work for your son when he was 6 and it’s even less likely to work now that he’s an adolescent.
• Being a role model. Young adolescents need strong role models. Try to live the behavior and values that you hope your child will develop. Your actions speak louder than words. If you set high standards for yourself and treat others with kindness and respect, your child stands a better chance of following your example. As adolescents explore possibilities of who they may become, they look to their parents, peers, well-known personalities and others to define who they may become.
• Teaching responsibility. We are not born knowing how to act responsibly. A sense of responsibility is formed over time. As children grow up, they need to learn to take more and more responsibility for such things as:

o completing chores, such as doing yard work, cleaning their rooms or helping to prepare meals, that contribute to the family’s well being;
o completing homework assignments without being nagged;
o taking on community activities;
o finding ways to be useful to others; and
o admitting to both the good and bad choices that they make.

• Showing respect. It is tempting to label all young adolescents as being difficult and rebellious. But these youngsters vary as much as do children in any other age group. Your child needs to be treated with respect, which requires you to recognize and appreciate her differences and to treat her as an individual. Respect also requires you to show compassion by trying to see things from your child’s point of view and to consider her needs and feelings. By treating your young adolescent with respect, you help her to take pleasure in good behavior.

There are no perfect parents. However, a bad decision or an “off” day (or week or month) isn’t likely to have any lasting impact on your child. What’s most important in being an effective parent is what you do over time.
________________________________________
Source: US Department of Education
Last Modified: 09/11/2003

Posted in Arrowhead Counseling

Life Lessons and their Pedagogy

Life Lessons are principles that emanate from the “design and function” of the universe.  Pedagogy is the method used to impart those Life Lessons. 

1. For every behavior, there is a reason.

2. Our behavior is determined more by how we feel, than what we know.   Yet maturity, is doing the right thing, in spite of how we feel. 

3. Integrity, is what you do when no one is looking.

Posted in Arrowhead Counseling

Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Violence

The Governor’s office for children, youth and families produced this booklet of violence prevention information and resources for individuals and families.

It contains important information on Breaking the Cycle of domestic violence (DV), the statistics on DV, traits of an abuser, abusive relationships, types of verbal and emotional abuse as well as physical and sexual abuse. Also important is understanding the affects on children in violent homes.

If you are a victim or know a victim, it encourages the victim to develop and safety plan and provides a long list of resources for help in the various Arizona counties, statewide and national hot lines.

Click on this link to view the information on Breaking the Cycle

Posted in Arrowhead Counseling

Quotes

Quotations

 “When a person is drowning is not the time to teach him to swim”

Between Parent and Teenager, Haim Ginott

1. “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” Edmund Burke

2. “He who does not punish evil, commands it to be done.
Leonardo daVinci

3. How much of human life is lost in waiting?
Ralph Waldo Emerson

4. “Post hoc, ergo, propter hoc”; Because one thing
follows another, does not mean one thing causes the other.

5.“Without a family, Man, alone in the world, trembles with the cold.” Andre Maurois

6. “If you create an act, you create a habit. If you create a habit, you create a character. If you create a character, you create a destiny.” Andre Maurois

7. “No matter how dark the moment, Love and hope are always possible” George Chakiris.

8. “The human voice can never reach the distance that is covered by the still small voice of conscience.”

9. “Be the change that you want to see in the world. ”
Mohandas Gandhi

10. “To the wicked, everything serves as a pretext” Voltaire

11. Integrity is what you do when no one is looking. Brooks Gibson

12. Maturity is doing the right thing, in spite of how we feel. Brooks Gibson

13. Character says what it means, and means what it says. Brooks Gibson

14. You’re either part of the solution or you’re part of the the problem. Eldridge Cleaver

15. Experience is a brutal teacher. But you learn, my God, do you learn. C.S. Lewis

16. Family is a haven in a heartless world. Christopher Lasch

17. Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without words and never stops at all. Emily Dickinson

Posted in Quotes of the famous, Wisdom